I know, I know....bad Jen....

Ok so it's been like a week since I last updated you on my life here in Colorado. It's just been such a good, but crazy week I haven't had a moment to think, let alone type a blog post. ;) So here I am, 3 weeks in to my 6 weeks stay....man it's gone fast!! Last week we had the SPECIAL which is literally one of the most amazing events to watch. SPECIAL stands for Spiritual Principles + Exhaustion = Confidence in Almighty Lord. Self-explanatory right? Ok maybe not. So essentially from 6 pm on Friday to around 1 pm on Saturday the athletes on the Colorado Project compete in different athletic events, with only short breaks for transition periods or for Gospel presentations and prayer. I say this is an amazing event because in no other arena in my life at least have I been able to witness God working and moving in such a powerful way in so many peoples lives at the same time. This is the 3rd SPECIAL I've "worked" and while it was very different from the past 2 years, it was still amazing. Students really learned what it means to rely on God for thier strength in a very practicle way and many met Him in a new and different way.

Here are some pics....

Nothing like men who pray....

2010 Colorado Project Staff Team

Golgotha.....

Cross Country team relay

Pull up station.....The worst stop on the obstacle course!!!

Our Awesome 2010 Students

sharing life

Since I have now been in Fort Collins, CO for almost 2 full weeks I thought it was about time to share some pictures to give you an idea of where I've been living and working since May 26th...

This is my house! It was originally an AXO sorority house, but now it is a Christian living house. AIA rents it for the summer just for Project. We currently have 17 girls, 9 boys, and 10 single staff/interns living in the house. The first floor is all general living space...living room, meeting room, kitchen, dining room. 2nd floor is for the girls, 3rd is for the boys, and the basement is our staff meeting room, game room, prayer room, laundry room, and bike storage.

The picture on the Left is our meeting room.

The picture on the Right is that same room during an impromptu dance party with our students.

This is a bit of the prayer room...

And this is the Prayer and Praise Grafitti Wall I built in the Prayer Room.....

So those are just a few pictures of the house to hoepfully give you an idea of what it's like. I promise I'll post more pics from the labs and SPECIAL this week...but probably not until next week.

Taking a Break

If you know me at all you probably know that I require lots of alone time to just sit and process...or to just be alone. There's not a lot of that in the Project house and there will be even less of that now that the students arrive today. Colby, our project director, is great at reminding us to take some time for ourselves to do quiet times and recharge our batteries...problem is I'm not great at taking that time, even though I know I need it. In the moment I usually think I'm fine...it's not until a day or two later that I start to get irritable because I haven't been able to escape at all. I need to be more assertive at laying claim to my alone time, and not feel bad about doing something that I need and that makes me a nicer person when I do "go back to reality."

So that's actually what I'm doing right now. All my actual jobs are done for today and we are in the middle of "git'er done time" which is basically just free time to finish up last minute things before students arrive. I did what I needed to do and now I'm sitting here, ALONE, sharing my thoughts with you people and just chilling out. I love just sitting and listening to music, being still. I'm still working on taking the contentment I have in those moments and carrying them over into my actual quiet times with God...instead of making my times of study and prayer just check marks on my days. Practice makes perfect right.

For those of you that are following my current career...path, leap, confusion...here's a brief update. I am not moving to Ohio. I had thought for sure for about a month that God was leading me to move up that way and take a job at a Christan school that is very near AIA head quarters...but in the end He shut that door. (BTW..something I'm working on this summer is to stop trying to predict God's plan for me!). So , that was a pretty significant let down. Not that I was especially thrilled to move to somewhere sooooo cold, but I was going to go if that's where God wanted me. I got the call on Tuesday that they filled that position..which made Tuesday a rough day. On Wednesday I got a call from another school I'd applied to and basically had a great, impromptu 40 minute phone interview. They called my references on Thursday, and called me again yesterday to talk about scheduling a time to fly me out to Tennessee for an on campus interview! I'm pretty excited about the opportunity, but I'm trying to remind myself not to get too overly invested and psyched until I figure out if the position is a fit and if that's actually where God wants me. Please keep me in prayer as I'm trying to seek God's will for me. So far He's made it pretty clear that my next season wont be in West Palm, Pensacola, or Ohio...so the search is still on and I'm still trusting in God's provision and guidanve!! :)

Ah, I feel better...yay, alone time!!! Maybe I can go play nice with others now! ;)

Rough Stuff...

Yesterday was a difficult day in my world. We are in the middle of staff prep week, which means that it's time to start discussing and processing some of our junk with each other. So on top of being tired from staying up late into the evenings working on "atmosphere" stuff for the house, and sitting in the staff room for hours on end discussing ministry tools, plans for Project, etc...we got to sit down and work through our EQi's (emotional intelligence). Not as fun as it sounds. haha. Add to that emotional unpacking, yesterday I got a call that I did not get a job I thought I was perfect for and that was going to be perfect me...I didn't even get a formal interview. Needless to say I was incredibly frustrated. I was upset and that made me even more vulnerable...awesome... I definitely cried in my peer group EQi time because I was talking about the things I need to work on (assertiveness and self regard). Both those issues are the result of years and years of deep seated insecurities and having to go through all of those emotions in front of women I don't know super well...very difficult. But I survived and, aside from being tired after all the upheaval of yesterday, I am feeling pretty good. I'm looking forward to getting through staff prep week and the student's arrival on Saturday. Next week will be crazy and intense, but we have tomorrow off which is awesome. I think I'm going to waste some money on a pedicure because that makes me feel good...then I'll probably grab a book and go to City Park to just lay in the sun and relax..heavenly!!

"It's 'Be still and know that I am God'...not 'Be still and know the plan'" :)

OK can we please talk about how amazing God is?! Seriously, He does the coolest things! Last night at our "Share and Prayer" time I shared my testimony with the Project staff. I told them about my grad school mess and my transformation at PBA and then I told them about how I have felt God calling me in a new direction and how that calling has resulted me leaving PBA and not having a clue what is next. I shared about my habit of trying to predict God and getting disappointed when things fall through. I told them I'm trying to just do what God has asked and trust and wait on Him. Not the easiest thing for a planner to do, but I'm trying.

So then...this morning at church the pastor's message was on Acts 16:1-10. The first 5 verses are about Paul's ministry, how he recruited Timothy to join his ministry, and what their first few stops were like. Verses 6-10 is where it gets interesting....

"Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, "Come over to Macedonia and help us." After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them."

Do you see it?? Paul had a plan to retrace his steps from his first ministry journey, that was his plan. But God had a different plan. He, via the Spirit, prevented Paul and his team from entering into Asia and Bithynia...and instead directed them to Troas where they met up with Luke (the author of Acts). It was while the team was in Troas that He, God, gave Paul a vision to get up and go to Macedonia (which wasn't even on Paul's radar). So Paul and his companions, including Luke, went immediately to minister in Macedonia and God blessed thier ministry richly.

Parallel much? I really felt like God put that message on the pastor's heart to minister directly to me today. And apparently so did everyone else on the staff team, because they all said something. HAHAHA, it was pretty funny!

The pastor offered advice about what to do when you find yourself "in the fog," not knowing where God is going to put you next.
1) Don't force your move -- Galatians 5:16,
2) Find today's blessing,
3) Step where you can see -- Psalm 119:105 and Proverbs 4:18,
4) Get close with God when you are confused,
5) Seek inside yourself and determine if you are willing -- 2 Chronicles 16:9.
Good Advice!!

The challenge: Are you willing to allow God to redirect your life? Would you go? You never know where God will lead you...if you find doors being shut keep seeking God, chances are He's preparing to bless you in a mighty big way!

Please pray that I can continue to stay faithful to God's calling and that I allow Him to fully direct my path and place me where He desires me to be.

The Mountains

"As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore." Psalm 125:2 NIV

My friend Dee shared this verse with me today as we were walking back from Starbucks after having a nice iced grande half-caf Americano 2 pumps white mocha, 2 pumps hazelnut, some non-fat milk and one sweet and low...yeah she ordered it and I said, "I'll have the same". Worked out nicely since it was significantly cheaper than the grande non-fat mocha I usually would order. Ok, now that we have my Starbucks order accounted for let's get on to the good stuff...or should I say God stuff.

So when Dee was doing her quiet time this morning she was reading a few passages in Psalms and this verse she said made her think of me and my current situation. I've been saying a lot that "God has my back, God has my back" and she wanted to remind me that God isn't just standing behind me pushing me forward or propping me up, but He also goes before me and clears the path, He surrounds me like a hug, pure love and protection and He stands beside me and offers support and encouragement, and even challenges along the way. What a great God we serve. Read the verse again. God is surrounding me like the mountains surround the city of Jerusalem, now and FOREVERMORE!!

Just a few verses later in Psalm 126:3, "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy".

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength. And He has got me, completely, fully, 100%!

one long trip...and that was just getting here!

I am sitting here, all alone in the the Project House. A rare treat to be sure! Those of you that know me really know me know much I value my time alone to just mellow out. I love being on Project, but I have to savor these moments when I have them.

So tonight will be my first full night in the house since I didn't actually get to Fort Collins until around 2:30am last night/this morning. Yesterday was a crazy travel day for me and with out getting into all the gory details I'll just say I spent 5 unexpected hours in St. Louis waiting for weather in Denver to clear, finally arrived in Denver 6 hours late and then proceeded to wait another 2 hours to collect another intern from her flight which was also delayed. All total I was traveling from 11am eastern time to 2:30am mountain (4:30 eastern) yesterday. It was a LOOOOONG day!

One of the great things about travel delays (if there is a good thing about a travel delay) it's that it gives a person a lot of opportunity to get things done. While I was sitting for 2 hours in the terminal at St. Louis yesterday I actually wrote a post to put on here. It was all about friendships and how people hurt each other, ya da ya da ya da. Essentially, it was a very self-serving, passive aggressive bit of writing. Since I would have to pay $8 just to get on the Internet in the airport I chose to type what I wanted to say and save it as a word document intending to post it once I got to the house. I will not be posting what I wrote yesterday...at least not what I intended to post....

God has a funny way of working in my heart and mind. After spending 2.5 hours sitting in the terminal, we got to spend another 2 hours sitting on the plane on the runway...more fun. I decided to put that time to good use to read an article that Colby (the Project Director) emailed us. The article is called "Moving from Solitude, to Community, to Ministry" by Henri Nouwen. I have actually skimmed this same article the past 2 summers but this time I read it God really used parts of the Community section to deal in my heart with the post I had written just an hour earlier. After reading the article I wrote a little in my journal and I'm going to share that now:

Nouwen says, "With-in the discipline of community are the disciplines of forgiveness and celebration...What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is to allow the other person to not be God. Forgiveness says," I know you love me, but you don't have to love me unconditionally because no human can do that." To forgive others for being able to give you only a little love--that's a hard discipline. To keep asking others for forgiveness because you can only give them a little love--that's a hard discipline, too"

Hello, shot of humility. Humble pie for sure! I hear you Lord, loud and clear. I can acknowledge that I'm hurt, but I have to forgive imperfect people because we are all imperfect. It is hypocritical of me to call someone to task for behaviors that I myself exhibit. Trying to inflict pain because I hurt, that doesn't lead to community and it can only hurt my ministry. That isn't saying I should go back to being a doormat...but I should understand that imperfect people make messed up decisions. Imperfect people hurt other imperfect people. And since we are all imperfect we have all probably been at both sides of those exchanges at one point or other. It's not for me to judge or intentionally hurt someone. That wont make me feel better, at least not in the long run. All I can do is try to love the way Christ loves, imperfect as I am.