.......

I'm confused. Initially, when I decided to leave PBA and follow after God's plan for my life, I thought I had a pretty decent understanding as to what that would mean and where I would end up. I was 95% sure I was supposed to leave PBA and move back to the Pensacola area to live with family and get a job to pay down my debt so I could join AIA staff full time. So that's what I was going to do. I began looking into jobs in the P'Cola area, just to see what's available up that way and guess what I discovered....there aren't any jobs up that way. Awesome! Still I trusted that God would provide. I have time.

Let me just take a quick time out here to say that I still trust God will provide and I do still believe He has something great planned for my next step...I'm just becoming increasingly confused as to what and where that might be.

Ok so, going back a couple weeks out of the blue I get a call asking me to apply for a position that I NEVER would have considered if I were still at PBA. But the more I thought and prayed about this opening the more I became convinced that that was where God was leading me. So then...yeah, there's a then....I got a call today that they have actually offered the position to someone else. Supposedly there is still a good possibility that the person they offered it to will ultimatly decline, but I just don't know. I do know I am a good fit for that position. I know that there are so many ways I can see that path fitting in with God's plan. And I know that if that's where I'm ultimatly supposed to go next then God will make it happen...but it's just so confusing and a little defeating. I'll admit, I honestly didn't think I would struggle to find some form of employment... So now I'm trying to figure out if I should just start applying all over the place to see what opens up for me, or if I wait this out and see....

I know God's got me. I know this will all work out. I know that when the timing is right, accoridng to His timing, God will reveal the next step to me. I'm trying to be faithful, patient, trusting, and all those other things a good Disciple is supposed to be. But like the Disciples of the Bible, I struggle with doubt, fear, anxiety, faithlessness, depression, and weakness. Maybe the key is to stop trying to "figure out God" and just rest in His Grace, Mercy, Peace, Strength, Security and Goodness. He's Got Me!! I will not fall, I will not fail. My future may not be what I expected, or even what I desire right now, but ultimatly I pray it is for His Glory and for my growth as His child. I'm your's Lord, send me, I will go.